"Not a contest... more a hope to be worthy." He could forgive himself for not picking up mjolnir. But the look of sheer disappointment for his mistake with Ultron... that he couldn't quite shake. Or the vision. The hand not clasping Steve's rose to rub his eyes.
Yet his nerves tingled at the soft brush of Steve's thumb and god he felt like he was on fire.
He gave a little self-deprecating laugh at the question before lowering his hand to give Steve a sad smile. "I thought I really had it planned out, ya know? Slow and steady wins the race. Do something right for a change... I figured the best things in life are worth waiting for." God he really didn't feel right asking anything like this of Steve.
"Then I get sucked into the one recurring nightmare I can't take. The one mistake I can't live with..." Burn down the world, but keep Steve safe. But then, Steve died in that vision. "What I saw... what it showed I did... I can't live with it." Not a world where Steve was gone. "I could feel it... your pulse stopping under my fingers. Being told it was my fault."
Shaking his head. "They all hate me. Well, Rhodey just has this resigned sigh he reserves for me. Maybe Vision likes me. The rest... I don't know. Between that and feeling like just breathing the same air as you might get you killed... I thought I was doing the right thing. But it's seriously killing me staying away." From Steve. "What am I supposed to do, Steve? Tell me what I'm supposed to do..."
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2015-07-20 06:22 am (UTC)Yet his nerves tingled at the soft brush of Steve's thumb and god he felt like he was on fire.
He gave a little self-deprecating laugh at the question before lowering his hand to give Steve a sad smile. "I thought I really had it planned out, ya know? Slow and steady wins the race. Do something right for a change... I figured the best things in life are worth waiting for." God he really didn't feel right asking anything like this of Steve.
"Then I get sucked into the one recurring nightmare I can't take. The one mistake I can't live with..." Burn down the world, but keep Steve safe. But then, Steve died in that vision. "What I saw... what it showed I did... I can't live with it." Not a world where Steve was gone. "I could feel it... your pulse stopping under my fingers. Being told it was my fault."
Shaking his head. "They all hate me. Well, Rhodey just has this resigned sigh he reserves for me. Maybe Vision likes me. The rest... I don't know. Between that and feeling like just breathing the same air as you might get you killed... I thought I was doing the right thing. But it's seriously killing me staying away." From Steve. "What am I supposed to do, Steve? Tell me what I'm supposed to do..."