It was supposed to work... (for ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
like_a_gerbil)
May. 10th, 2015 04:58 pmlegacyofironWhen he walked away, it was for a reason. Everything had been for a good reason. Wasn't that always the case? He lost Pepper because he couldn't truly give up the armor and kept going when Steve called. But he gave up Steve because he would be the death of him. And if there was one thing Tony Stark could not deal with... was knowing he would be the reason Steve Rogers died.
Not because he was Captain America... okay, maybe a little because of that. Because Captain America was more important than Tony Stark ever could be. Captain America was an ideal that he should never ever try to tarnish or destroy. He told himself that he had to make the decisions because it was his fault. How could it possibly be Steve's fault? Steve... yes, that was the real problem. He told himself it was Captain America, but the real problem was Steve Rogers. Seeing Steve Rogers looking up at him as he died and telling him he didn't do enough. That ripped his heart out and ran it through a meat grinder in ways far worse than anything 10 Rings did to him in Afghanistan. One split second...
So what could he do to keep Steve safe from himself and his stupid decisions? Run away. After all. He was good at that.
That did not mean he had to stop watching Steve. He watched over the Avengers in his own way. Watching. Staying back. Sending things for their team and funding recovery efforts. Making new things to keep them going. But he kept the armor locked up. Pepper would be astounded had she noticed, but she buried herself in work. Tony buried himself in his tower and worked to chase away the silence. No more Jarvis... no more Steve. So... no more Tony Stark in the lime light.
At least, until Friday decided to tune him into the Avengers latest mission where Steve was alone. Alone. Why did the idiot always insist on doing the dirty work alone? Tony always felt on pins and needles when he did that. And before he knew it, he was in his armor for the first time in far too long flying to god forsaken Siberia... was it Siberia? To save the blonde Avenger.
Tony's heart raced to a point it hurt. It felt like sheer agony as he destroyed the opposition that had managed to pin Steve down. Sound stopped. He didn't hear anything Friday said as he collapsed out of the armor. He thought he might have told her to go into century mode as he dropped onto his knees next to Steve. Pulling his helmet off in a jerking motion, his hands shook as they cupped his head. "Steve? Hey!"
Shaking his head to rid himself of the horrifying mental image in the falling ash and freshly falling snow. That was just a vision. It wasn't real. Pressing his forefinger and middle to Steve's pulse, he pleaded in a mantra 'please be alright' over and over until he felt the heavy pulse under them. Something untangled in his chest and he exhaled in a sharp almost sob he would deny later. "What were you thinking!?"
He didn't know why he felt so irrationally angry, but he yelled anyway in such a way he heard the squeaking of his armor behind him as it looked at him in alarm. "I LEFT FOR A REASON YOU BLONDE IDIOT!"
"Sir?" Friday queried softly behind him but he ignored her.
"You aren't allowed to die on me, do you hear me?" Hissing at the super soldier, he cupped his head and said sharply, "WAKE UP."
Not because he was Captain America... okay, maybe a little because of that. Because Captain America was more important than Tony Stark ever could be. Captain America was an ideal that he should never ever try to tarnish or destroy. He told himself that he had to make the decisions because it was his fault. How could it possibly be Steve's fault? Steve... yes, that was the real problem. He told himself it was Captain America, but the real problem was Steve Rogers. Seeing Steve Rogers looking up at him as he died and telling him he didn't do enough. That ripped his heart out and ran it through a meat grinder in ways far worse than anything 10 Rings did to him in Afghanistan. One split second...
So what could he do to keep Steve safe from himself and his stupid decisions? Run away. After all. He was good at that.
That did not mean he had to stop watching Steve. He watched over the Avengers in his own way. Watching. Staying back. Sending things for their team and funding recovery efforts. Making new things to keep them going. But he kept the armor locked up. Pepper would be astounded had she noticed, but she buried herself in work. Tony buried himself in his tower and worked to chase away the silence. No more Jarvis... no more Steve. So... no more Tony Stark in the lime light.
At least, until Friday decided to tune him into the Avengers latest mission where Steve was alone. Alone. Why did the idiot always insist on doing the dirty work alone? Tony always felt on pins and needles when he did that. And before he knew it, he was in his armor for the first time in far too long flying to god forsaken Siberia... was it Siberia? To save the blonde Avenger.
Tony's heart raced to a point it hurt. It felt like sheer agony as he destroyed the opposition that had managed to pin Steve down. Sound stopped. He didn't hear anything Friday said as he collapsed out of the armor. He thought he might have told her to go into century mode as he dropped onto his knees next to Steve. Pulling his helmet off in a jerking motion, his hands shook as they cupped his head. "Steve? Hey!"
Shaking his head to rid himself of the horrifying mental image in the falling ash and freshly falling snow. That was just a vision. It wasn't real. Pressing his forefinger and middle to Steve's pulse, he pleaded in a mantra 'please be alright' over and over until he felt the heavy pulse under them. Something untangled in his chest and he exhaled in a sharp almost sob he would deny later. "What were you thinking!?"
He didn't know why he felt so irrationally angry, but he yelled anyway in such a way he heard the squeaking of his armor behind him as it looked at him in alarm. "I LEFT FOR A REASON YOU BLONDE IDIOT!"
"Sir?" Friday queried softly behind him but he ignored her.
"You aren't allowed to die on me, do you hear me?" Hissing at the super soldier, he cupped his head and said sharply, "WAKE UP."
