It was supposed to work... (for [personal profile] like_a_gerbil)

May. 10th, 2015 04:58 pm
legacyofiron: (PTSD)
[personal profile] legacyofiron
When he walked away, it was for a reason. Everything had been for a good reason. Wasn't that always the case? He lost Pepper because he couldn't truly give up the armor and kept going when Steve called. But he gave up Steve because he would be the death of him. And if there was one thing Tony Stark could not deal with... was knowing he would be the reason Steve Rogers died.

Not because he was Captain America... okay, maybe a little because of that. Because Captain America was more important than Tony Stark ever could be. Captain America was an ideal that he should never ever try to tarnish or destroy. He told himself that he had to make the decisions because it was his fault. How could it possibly be Steve's fault? Steve... yes, that was the real problem. He told himself it was Captain America, but the real problem was Steve Rogers. Seeing Steve Rogers looking up at him as he died and telling him he didn't do enough. That ripped his heart out and ran it through a meat grinder in ways far worse than anything 10 Rings did to him in Afghanistan. One split second...

So what could he do to keep Steve safe from himself and his stupid decisions? Run away. After all. He was good at that.

That did not mean he had to stop watching Steve. He watched over the Avengers in his own way. Watching. Staying back. Sending things for their team and funding recovery efforts. Making new things to keep them going. But he kept the armor locked up. Pepper would be astounded had she noticed, but she buried herself in work. Tony buried himself in his tower and worked to chase away the silence. No more Jarvis... no more Steve. So... no more Tony Stark in the lime light.

At least, until Friday decided to tune him into the Avengers latest mission where Steve was alone. Alone. Why did the idiot always insist on doing the dirty work alone? Tony always felt on pins and needles when he did that. And before he knew it, he was in his armor for the first time in far too long flying to god forsaken Siberia... was it Siberia? To save the blonde Avenger.

Tony's heart raced to a point it hurt. It felt like sheer agony as he destroyed the opposition that had managed to pin Steve down. Sound stopped. He didn't hear anything Friday said as he collapsed out of the armor. He thought he might have told her to go into century mode as he dropped onto his knees next to Steve. Pulling his helmet off in a jerking motion, his hands shook as they cupped his head. "Steve? Hey!"

Shaking his head to rid himself of the horrifying mental image in the falling ash and freshly falling snow. That was just a vision. It wasn't real. Pressing his forefinger and middle to Steve's pulse, he pleaded in a mantra 'please be alright' over and over until he felt the heavy pulse under them. Something untangled in his chest and he exhaled in a sharp almost sob he would deny later. "What were you thinking!?"

He didn't know why he felt so irrationally angry, but he yelled anyway in such a way he heard the squeaking of his armor behind him as it looked at him in alarm. "I LEFT FOR A REASON YOU BLONDE IDIOT!"

"Sir?" Friday queried softly behind him but he ignored her.

"You aren't allowed to die on me, do you hear me?" Hissing at the super soldier, he cupped his head and said sharply, "WAKE UP."

Date: 2015-05-10 10:38 pm (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Don't Know if I Can do This)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
It should have been easier now. SHIELD was rebuilding into what it always should have been. Or what it had been when Peggy was more involved in the organization. It was becoming something good in the world now that HYDRA had been rooted out. Steve had a purpose. He had a team that wanted to be Avengers instead of one that had been tearing itself apart during their final mission.

But it hadn't gotten easier. His vision of Peggy still bothered him. So did the idea that he would never have a home or a life that wasn't connected to being a soldier. After all those years of wanting to follow in his father's footsteps, that wish was becoming a kind of curse.

It hadn't helped that the people he had started to care about as a new sort of family had left. Steve didn't begrudge them for that. How could Clint stay when he had a family waiting for him? Natasha was still working with SHIELD but it was obvious that she was restless, wanting to track down Bruce. And Tony...

He had made his choice. He was done being an Avenger. He had deserved a chance at a new life. Steve might at times be envious of that but he couldn't resent that decision.

No matter how much it'd hurt.

Again, Steve had lost the people he'd cared most about. He took up the image of Captain America, using it as much as he did the shield Howard had made, using it ensure no one knew how lost he was. He led his new team, training and fighting with the group. But sometimes he needed to go off alone and beat up terrorists and madmen. He needed to get lost in that so that he didn't think too hard on the dance that he'd missed or the friend that was gone.

Even when he was obviously outnumbered with the situation getting worse, Steve didn't call for any kind of backup. He'd either get through the fight or he wouldn't.

And it'd started looking like 'he wouldn't' would be how it'd end. Taking a hit to the chest, he slammed against something hard and unyielding. Air exploded from his lungs and for a panicked moment, he couldn't breathe. Something sliced through the uniform and his head rang from whatever he'd slammed against.

He had to have blacked out for a few minutes because the next thing he knew there was no more shooting and someone was yelling at him. Distantly he heard yelling but he had to be hallucinating since it sounded like Tony.

Tony was back in New York. He was done with the Avengers and the armor. He couldn't be in the middle of Siberia. And his armor couldn't be squeaking. Iron Man never squeaked.

Finally his lungs seized up again, jerking him out of his daze as he coughed, making a ragged, strangled sound before he could draw a proper breath. "Tony?" His voice sounded broken despite how much he wanted it be steady. "Wha... how?"

Date: 2015-05-10 11:06 pm (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Lost in a New World)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
Maybe he'd hit his head harder than he'd thought. The helmet he wore could only do so much. That would explain why Tony was here when he was supposed to be back hom- back in New York.

Blinking up at maybe-Tony, he tried to understand what was going on but with the ringing in his ears and the panicked look on Tony's face, he couldn't think of anything that made sense.

Even when he felt the weight of Tony's head on his chest and the tug at his hair and knew that his friend really was there, he couldn't quite believe it. Tony was done with the Avengers. No more armor. No more fighting. But he'd saved Steve. He had to have since Steve had been out of commission during those important minutes.

Steve tried to get free of the fingers in his hair, instantly freezing when Tony gave him that order. His heartbeat had to be racing but it, like his breathing, was steady. "I..."

Why was Tony yelling at him? It'd been a normal mission even if he'd messed up and got himself into trouble.

And why was he yelling at Friday? Tony never yelled at the AIs or the bots. The idea of hallucinations was less worrying than the idea that Tony was angry at his AI.

"I don't need a doctor!" He had the feeling his protest would be ignored but he still had to try to keep Tony calm. When Friday confirmed what he'd said, Steve gave his friend a weak smile. "See... told you."

Date: 2015-05-10 11:26 pm (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Unsure)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
As the fingers in his hair relaxed, Steve let out a slow breath, hoping that whatever was spurring Tony's anger had quieted down. It seemed to but the odd behavior didn't go away like Steve expected.

Tony was... petting his hair? Not that he really minded since the motion was soothing but it wasn't normal. Neither was Tony sprawled on his chest.

"I'm supposed to be the ridiculous hero. That was what I was made for." It was a bad attempt at humor, but Steve had to try. Something was off and he had no idea what. Tony wasn't supposed to be here let alone know where Steve had been off fighting terrorists. He wasn't supposed to care about any of that except when it related to creating new gear for them.

Even if the whole situation was odd, Steve couldn't help missing the contact when Tony pulled away. "I'm okay, Tony." He doubted the words would reassure his friend but he still had to try.

Staring up at Tony, he tried to understand that complaint or observation or whatever it was. That didn't make sense. None of this did. "Why would I be safer now?"

Date: 2015-05-10 11:53 pm (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Don't Know if I Can do This)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
Looking up at Tony, he knew he should apologize for the comment about being made, but it was true in a way. It was all that was really left to him. He had friends, but those connections were slipping away. All he really had left was being the asset that SHIELD needed to help protect the world.

"Are you sure that's true?" He hated how resigned he sounded when he spoke, but part of him believed that it was true. The vision had shown him that he was never going to go home. He was never going to have the type of life he'd dreamed of. No dances with his right partner. No home to return to after a mission. The serum had changed him, taken away something he'd thought would finally be possible when he'd made it through Project Rebirth.

"I'm not getting worse. I've just accepted that this is all there is." It was something he never intended to say to anyone. Not even Sam when he switched roles from friend to therapist but for some reason he had to put it into words for Tony.

The question about his hair caused him to stare at Tony in confusion. It seemed like today Tony had decided to try to confuse him in as many ways as possible. "It's always been that way. Even when I was a kid." Not that Steve was sure that really related to the whole 'why wasn't he safer' discussion.

Date: 2015-05-11 12:37 am (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Wasn't that big of a deal)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
Maybe Tony was the one who had hit his head since none of this made any sense. Why was Tony angry at him for doing something that he knew was the main focus of his life? He knew that Steve would continue on being an Avenger. He'd walked away from it. He'd made his choices. He shouldn't be angry over the ones that Steve had made.

"I might be more than that, Tony, but that's the only part of me that seems to matter anymore." Not the artist that had wanted to enlist or the confused soldier that had woken up in the future.

Slowly, he started to understand some of what Tony was implying. The vision. It had to be that. He'd seen some battle where Steve had died and it was still getting to him even after the time that had passed since that last mission. "You didn't make it worse. And I didn't die." Reaching up, he caught Tony's hand to keep it pressed against his face. "I'm okay."

His eyes widened when Tony brushed his thumb across his cheek. The gesture was intimate, too similar to thoughts that had been sneaking up on him at odd moments. Suddenly his face felt too warm and he realized that he was blushing. He'd thought that reaction had disappeared a few years after the ice. "I - uh - " The stuttering was supposed to be in the past too. "That's not a good comparison since I'm the only one with it."

Date: 2015-05-11 01:18 am (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Wasn't that big of a deal)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
He began to protest that he couldn't just stop being blond, when Tony moved closer. He tried not to worry over how strange that was. Tony was affectionate at times, but this had a desperation to it that Steve had never seen before even during the worst battles.

"I'm not lying to you. If anyone's to blame it's Maximoff. She set all of this in motion by getting into our heads." After that they'd all let their fears get the better of them, withdrawing instead of being a team like they should have been. "You were trying to protect the world, Tony. I didn't realize that at first but it wasn't arrogance that made you do it."

Wrapping an arm around Tony to try to keep him warm, he let out a soft sigh. "You were trying to protect the world so that we wouldn't have to fight anymore." Tony had been trying to save them. That goal had just ended up twisted in a way that Tony hadn't been willing to imagine.

"I don't want to die, Tony." Not really. He was just tired and lonely. It felt like it didn't matter if he didn't return from a mission. If anything happened to him, Sam could take over. "There's just not as much reason anymore to keep coming back."

After Tony left and the lack of contact afterward, Steve hadn't expected Tony to really worry or to be a 'mess' because of him. "I think the same thing about you sometimes." It probably wasn't what he should say but the words tumbled out. "Like the hero in the science fiction novels I read as a kid."

Date: 2015-05-11 02:04 am (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Don't Know if I Can do This)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
"I thought that was why you'd done it. Just to prove you could. I didn't realize the real reason." But now that Steve knew, he regretted every harsh word and doubt he'd had for Tony. "I'm sorry. I should've had more faith in you." Even if it'd been fear that drove Tony to create Ultron, Steve should have realized that he hadn't done it just to prove a point.

But he hadn't expected that he was the focus of Tony's fear. He knew that the vision of death would have forced Tony to make desperate decisions but he'd never realized that he was that important to Tony. "You realize that I'd never tell you that. I'd never say you didn't do enough or blame you." Swallowing hard, he brushed a few flakes of snow from Tony's shoulders. "If I die in a fight, it won't be your fault Tony."

No matter how much he might wish that Tony would have chosen differently, he couldn't condemn him for that.

When Tony moved, Steve gave him a confused look, unsure if he'd said the wrong thing. Belatedly, he realized he had but it was about not coming back, not Ultron. It was still a shock that he was that important. Tony had walked away, acting like he really didn't want to remain in contact with them yet he was that adamant about Steve not dying.

That wasn't the type of conviction that Tony would have because of Maximoff's dream. That was something else. Tony really was that determined to have Steve come back in one piece. "Don't joke about things like that." The thought of Tony dying because of him...

That put a new perspective on Ultron...

"I don't know what it'll take. The vision I had..." There was no going home for him. There was nowhere to go back to. No one to make it home even if there was.

For some reason, he took that teasing as a challenge. Tony probably expected him to blush and stammer like he had before. "How much flirting would it take for you to kiss me?"

Date: 2015-05-11 02:52 am (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Wasn't that big of a deal)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
"Just because you're used to it, doesn't mean that it was right of me not to believe in you." He should have. No matter how Tony had acted, he should have realized there was an underlying reason for what he'd done, especially when it had been so soon after the visions.

For a few seconds, he stared in disbelief before guilt started to darken his expression. He'd been so caught up in his own loss, excepting that the old dreams that had got him through the war were gone that he didn't notice the people around him. He should have realized... "If I do, then you can kick my ass."

Maybe he'd said too much when pushing for the kiss. A kiss that he had thought about regularly once they'd started getting past their differences and their arguments had turned to fond teasing.

Maybe it shouldn't have surprised him so much that he was so important to Tony.

But he was surprised by the kiss. Yeah, he'd thought about it. Considered what it'd be like to kiss Tony, but this wasn't how he expected it to happen, if it ever happened. Not in the snow in the middle of nowhere after Tony had told him about his greatest fear.

Cupping the back of Tony's neck, he returned the kiss softly, afraid that somehow it'd become less real if he wasn't gentle. He knew it wouldn't, but everything felt too fragile to risk.

A quiet sound caught in his throat as Tony nibbled on his lip, causing him to blush when he belatedly realized he had made that noise. When the kiss broke, it felt like he couldn't catch his breath, eyes unfocused and dazed as he gave Tony a shy smile. "Not going to hit you, Tony, but I might ask you to do it again."

Date: 2015-05-11 04:43 am (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - The Uniform Finally Fits)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
Steve was never going to live that down. No matter how old he was or how many other silly, Forties era things he let slip, no one was going to let him forget that he'd said that. "You started it." Yes, it was childish, but it was true. Tony had said it first.

Pulling Tony closer when he pressed against him, Steve almost lifted his head up to close the space between them and kiss Tony again when he started realizing that he shouldn't. If they kept kissing it might lead to other, more intimate, things.

That caused the blush to burn brighter, almost feverish hot when a snowflake landed on his cheek. Cold. The cold wasn't good for either one of them but Steve couldn't really focus on that yet. Not when Tony looked just as dazed and breathless as he felt.

And the rambling... he really shouldn't find that adorable and attractive. At least not until they were indoors. "Yeah, I want more kisses. Are you sure?" Why did he ask that? Tony just offered to let him kiss him again. He didn't need to double check that. "When we're not here? We can... I want you to kiss me again."

Date: 2015-05-11 11:55 pm (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Wasn't that big of a deal)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
This really wasn't the best place to be thinking about kissing and whatever might come next even if Friday was keeping an eye on things. Even knowing that, Steve couldn't help focusing on the way Tony licked his lips, wanting to kiss him again and again...

Which was a bad idea since it was cold out and they could be attacked again. Even if the AI gave them a warning, they weren't really focused on the possibility of fighting.

Grinning when Tony said he wanted to kiss him, he rolled his eyes over the idea of Tony worrying about the snow. Steve might hate the stuff but he was at least dressed in gear meant to handle the temperature. "We both need t get out of it, not just me."

Brushing is fingers through dark hair, he knew that Tony was probably trying to figure out how to get them back wit the armor. "I did. It's not too far away. But you can fly on your own... If you want." Steve hoped he wouldn't want to but he knew better than to try to separate Tony from his armor.

Date: 2015-05-12 02:01 am (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - The Uniform Finally Fits)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
Noticing how Tony's hair was standing up he tried, and failed, to fight back a grin. Even if it usually meant that Tony had spent too much time in the lab, the way Tony's hair defied gravity was adorable.

"Someone has to keep an eye on you." The words were more fond than hinting at the gentle exasperation he usually felt when trying to convince Tony to take care of himself. He didn't have the right to worry over Tony the way he had before, but Steve hoped that was going to change. He wanted that role back, wanted to be part of Tony's life again.

He assumed that his friend wanted the same or he wouldn't have kissed him. The fears brought on by the vision might have caused an impulsive act but not the promises afterward.

"No, it's not far." Smiling when Tony offered him his hands, he got to his feet, careful not to accidentally unbalance the elder. "Normal version of 'not far' not my version of it." He wouldn't have suggested it if it wasn't an easy distance for them both.

"I think I can handle being a blanket." Suddenly feeling shy, he let go of one of Tony's hands but kept hold of the other. "But I'd probably be a better pillow."

Date: 2015-05-12 03:59 am (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Wasn't that big of a deal)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
For a few seconds, he stared at Tony in surprise. Tony Stark never blushed. He was the reason people blushed. But Steve could see the color that swept across his skin. He had caused that reaction just by being distracted by Tony's hair.

"You're going to have to live with it since I have no intention of stopping." Someone needed to keep an eye on Tony. Not because the genius couldn't take care of himself, but because he needed someone there to care for him. "I'm honored that I won't be booted out." His tone was teasing but the look in his eyes was serious, hinting at the loneliness that had been troubling him for months. "I missed you and the Tower."

It had been home. Or it had been when Tony was there. Too bad he hadn't realized that until after everything had fallen apart.

"You are never going to be a mere mortal." No one as brilliant as Tony could be described that way.

His chest ached for a moment when Tony threaded his fingers between his. Until then he hadn't realized how much it had hurt to assume that Tony was really walking away for good. "I didn't mean to get knocked out. It just happened." Maybe he should have been more observant or fought harder but that was going to change now that he knew Tony was worrying about him.

"Then we'd better hurry up." Gently tugging on Tony's hand, he led him through the snow. He didn't take the same route he had earlier, afraid that someone might track them and that the terrain would be too slippery for Tony.

It didn't really take that long to get to the Quinjet since Steve had almost been attacked as soon as it had landed. "Told you that it was normal 'not far.'"

Date: 2015-05-13 03:04 am (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Don't Know if I Can do This)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
"I don't know." The answer probably wasn't the one Tony wanted to hear but it was honest. Steve really hadn't been sure of anything after Tony had left. He knew that Tony wasn't angry with him but he'd been the person who kept Tony steady. Once he was gone it'd felt like the world had been turned upside down again like it repeatedly had since the ice. "Maybe? Except if told Thor that you couldn't experiment on Mjolnir,"

Moving closer to Tony, he almost let go of his hand to wrap an arm around his shoulders then reconsidered. There would be more contact that way but he couldn't bring himself to let go. Like Tony would leave if Steve let go. "Yes, I secretly wanted to be knocked out by crazies." Rolling his eyes, he gave Tony an amused look that was close to adoration.

When they were inside the jet, he expected Tony to move toward the front. Instead, he was caught off guard as the elder easily shoved him into a seat. He tried to speak and ended up making a squeak that reminded Steve of when he was ninety pounds. Looking up at Tony, he knew he was blushing not just because of that embarrassing noise. "I'm not going to die because of you."

Wrapping his arms around Tony's waist, he tried not to think too much about where his friend was sitting. Returning the kiss, he tried not to look hurt by those words, but he couldn't help it after how that vision had twisted him up. "So we both spend our lives miserable and alone?"

Date: 2015-05-13 03:43 am (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Don't Know if I Can do This)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
Although he didn't say anything about being thrown out, in a way it had happened. He was sure that if he'd ever asked Tony if he could use a room in the Tower, the elder would be gracious. But they both knew he wouldn't ask, not after Tony had decided to leave the team. It wouldn't have been right to bring Tony back into that life after he'd tried to leave it.

"I'm not that easy to get rid of." Especially when he was used to the things Tony assumed made him difficult to live with. Maybe those quirks were a problem for others but they had somehow melded easily with Steve's life. They complimented each other's lives in ways that he'd never expected. "All the time I spent in the Tower and I never wanted to leave." Even when it'd been the best thing for Tony, he'd been selfish and wanted to stay.

"You didn't kiss me until after I was awake." Which was something he appreciated since he wasn't sure if he would have known what was going on if Tony had kissed him while he was still disorientated from the fight.

Holding Tony close, he gently rubbed his back with one hand. "Because I know you. I trust you. If it happens it won't be because of you."

Sighing he wished he had the right words but Steve knew that only time would ease Tony's fear. "I don't know, Tony, but you didn't see your future. You saw what scared you most. If that really was the future then..." No, he didn't want to believe that what he'd seen was true. Not when Tony was with him, giving him hope that there was another possibility.

Gently brushing his fingers through Tony's hair he hoped he had the right answer. "You don't deal with this. We do. We'll do it together just like everything else."

Date: 2015-05-13 04:37 am (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Wasn't that big of a deal)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
"I wouldn't call them stupid but I know that I'm not going to leave because of them." Not the way others had. It was something that he had seen but never brought up, afraid of hurting Tony. But it seemed like people stayed when he was what they thought he should be, leaving when he couldn't live up to an ideal that was impossible. "You made those choices because you cared. I might not agree with what you did but I understand why." Too bad he hadn't understood it better before Tony left.

Shivering at the attention to his neck, he knew he should be focusing on reassuring Tony not how good it felt to have him so close. Or how similar it was to a few fantasies that he'd been trying not to have after he'd realized that Tony was no longer with Pepper. "Glad you waited. I wouldn't want to miss the first kiss that I've wanted since the Forties."

Part of him wished that he could promise Tony that he'd always come back but they both knew that he couldn't. He'd put Peggy through that years ago and they knew it was possible that Steve would have to make a choice like that again. "Then you need to trust me. I know it'll take time, but you need to, Tony." Because if he didn't, Steve had the feeling they'd both be so broken that there'd be nothing left of either of them.

"It scares me not having you." It's not something he normally admit. He didn't let people know his fears, knowing he had to seem strong to others. Only Peggy and Bucky had been the ones who saw that side of him, mostly because they had known him so well. Actually saying those words... that was rare.

When he heard that sound, he let out a shaky breath, telling himself that Tony was lonely, caught up in the aftermath of Maximoff's vision. He should not be getting excited while trying to comfort Tony.

"I want to and I know that it won't be easy. I'm probably going to mess up too. This is kinda new for me." At least Steve assumed it was since he was hoping that Tony was considering more than just friends looking after each other. "I want to be beside you to help you when you make the dumb choices and to be there when you make good ones."

Sliding his hand from Tony's hair, Steve lightly cupped his jaw. "Yeah, I really. I have for awhile but... it never seemed like the right time."

Date: 2015-05-13 11:47 pm (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - The Uniform Finally Fits)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
Leaning into that touch, he wondered how many people hadn't given Tony the same chance Steve was offering him. How many had wanted to mold him into what they thought the ideal Tony Stark should be instead of realizing how amazing he really was. "Someone has to keep you on your toes."

Eyes sliding half closed when Tony began to play with his hair, it took a few seconds for him to realize what Tony had asked. "Just Natasha. We needed a distraction so..." So she'd kissed him and later asked about his love life... again.

Leaning in he couldn't resist pressing his lips gently to Tony's. "I know it's not easy but when you can't trust yourself, trust me." That wouldn't always work. They saw things from different perspectives and they were still going to fight no matter what was going on now. But if Tony could trust him, then he could learn to trust himself. Or to go to others before things got out of hand.

Letting out a sigh, he gave Tony a tired smile. "Kinda hard not to be scared of it." It'd happened before with Peggy even if there'd been no other choice and he had been the one to go missing. But he couldn't help being afraid of losing more time, losing those he cared about, losing everything that mattered. Especially when he thought he already had lost one of the most important things in his life when Tony walked away.

"I mess up, Tony." Pausing, his smile steadied until it was almost a grin. "There's just usually too many explosions going off for anyone to notice. Just be willing to forgive me when I do."

Rubbing his thumb along Tony's cheek, he tried and failed to look annoyed. "I'm the one who gets to decide what I deserve. If you want this... then it's what we both deserve."

Date: 2015-05-14 01:29 am (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Wasn't that big of a deal)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
"If you have ideas, you should share them." He had a few of his own... that multiplied when Tony touched his lips. Blinking up at Tony he tried to remember that those kinds of thoughts weren't the ones he was supposed to be having. "Just my lips? I don't want you to get tired of the rest of me."

When Tony began gesturing over Natasha, he grinned while tightening his hold on Tony's waist, afraid he might overbalance himself. "There's no reason to be jealous. She's family not a romantic interest. Even couldn't think of her as more than that."

Lightly playing with Tony's hair, he nodded, knowing that Tony was right no matter how much he hoped he wasn't. They'd both scew up and there would be fights. But they'd also make up and help each other. "Doesn't matter if you screw up. I'm still going to be here."

His smile faltered slightly when Tony mentioned Pepper. He still wasn't sure what had happened between them but it couldn't have been easy and suggesting that he'd leave Tony for Pepper. "I wouldn't do something like that, Tony. I wouldn't hurt you like that." Then he realized that Tony had said something about marrying her instead of him. "Did you just propose?"

Watching Tony, he tried to think of a way to make the hurt go away that had made Tony stop speaking momentarily. Nothing really would make it stop but he could try to make it easier. "I want you too. That way and whatever others you want me for."

Date: 2015-05-14 02:52 am (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - The Uniform Finally Fits)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
"Getting brave?" Even knowing that it was a dare, one he really shouldn't accept, Steve couldn't back down. Not when it was Tony tempting him and he'd thought he'd never get a chance at this with someone he cared about. "A preview now. All the details later." He'd probably embarrass himself before Tony was done with either the preview or the vivid imagery but he could deal with that as long as he didn't report back to SHIELD right away.

Returning that kiss, he smiled against Tony's lips, feeling more shy than he should after telling Tony to talk dirty. "There's no reason to be jealous." People looked. Steve knew they did but he was also mostly immune to it. They looked for the wrong reasons because of the gift the serum gave him, not because of him. "Y'know they're probably staring at you. You're famous, remember?" He had to tease even when he'd occasionally felt a few pangs of jealousy over the past year.

The feeling of teeth against his lip distracted him from asking why Tony had left but Steve knew the reasons and that he needed to let that hurt go. "You don't have to worry about it."

Watching Tony flail, he pulled him close so he was pressed tight against his chest. "I would like to date. I just was curious if you meant it." And now that he knew that Tony did... His chest ached with a strange mix of hope and loss. The hurt was from the vision, but the hope... He'd been ready to give up on that. He'd been ready to accept no family or home and Tony was seriously thinking marriage.

It was too fast. Or was for people who didn't live their kind of lives. Waiting had meant he'd lost his best girl. He couldn't let that happen again because it was supposed to be proper to wait. "Ask me again in a few weeks..."

Then they'd have a chance to date and see how things went. Steve doubted there'd be too many problems but that didn't mean they shouldn't have a chance at the type of things normal couples did before becoming serious. Or maybe there really wasn't a difference. He'd never had a chance at that so he wasn't sure.

His eyes widened when he realized that Tony was blushing. Tony rarely blushed and not over something like what Steve had suggested. That... that was incredibly attractive.

Nuzzling his neck, Steve pressed a kiss to warm skin. "It's too cold for that. I was thinking you on top of me." As he spoke Steve was sure that he wasn't the only one blushing. At least Tony couldn't feel too bad about it now.

Date: 2015-05-14 05:32 am (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Kiss)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
When Tony said he needed to think, Steve almost told him that he could tell him later. If he wasn't comfortable with the idea then Steve shouldn't encourage him. But it didn't look like Tony was embarrassed. He looked as excited by the idea as Steve was.

When Tony's gaze moved to his mouth, his breath stuttered, unconsciously licking his lips before Tony began telling him his fantasies. Each detail was something Steve had tried not to think of, afraid that if he did it would ruin their friendship. But no matter how often he told himself not to think of Tony that way, those images had crept through his mind.

"I - I used to imagine that. What it'd be like." His voice was ragged like he couldn't catch his breath. "Knew I shouldn't but I couldn't stop." There'd been so many times he'd wanted to kiss Tony. Do more than just kiss him. Shivering at the feeling of Tony's breath against his ear, he closed his eyes, trying to focus. "I'd - I'd leave more than one. Want everyone to know that we're together. Everyone who sees you would know."

Whimpering softly, he stripped off his gloves so he could slide his hands beneath Tony's shirt. He needed to touch, to feel warm skin beneath his fingers. "You have me. We can - we don't have to wait." Even with need shivering along his skin he still sounded shy, like he expected Tony to say no. "Just never got to date." At least not with someone he wanted to. Or maybe he had and he hadn't realized what was going on between them.

The nuzzling turned to nibbling before he nipped harder higher up where it would be obvious even when Tony wore his suits before licking and sucking at the spot. One hand curled around Tony's hip as he rocked against him, moaning when Tony moved on top of him. "Not just what I want... Could still pin you while you're on top." It wouldn't quite be the same but Tony might like it.

Dragging his nails lightly down Tony's spine, his breath caught at the sight of that grin. He couldn't ever remember wanting someone this much, his usual control disappearing with each fantasy that Tony suggestion. "Yeah - I do - Do you you want me to strip or do you want me in uniform?"

Date: 2015-05-15 02:19 am (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Wasn't that big of a deal)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
If he hadn't been busy trying to leave marks on Tony's neck, Steve might have warned him about his language. Not that Steve really minded, since he had told Tony couldn't tell him his fantasies but he liked the teasing. It was something he'd missed until the team had gotten together and part of the reason he'd fallen for Tony.

Lightly kissing one of the marks he'd left, he smiled against Tony's neck. "We belong together. Wish you could mark me." He would always be grateful for the serum but he couldn't help wishing that it was possible.

Steve had fantasied about having Tony close, kissing and touching but the reality... The reality was almost too much. He couldn't get enough of the feel of Tony's muscles shifting beneath his hands or the taste of his skin as he left another mark closer to his shoulder. And the sounds he made... Those alone would have been enough to give him dozens of fantasies.

Gasping when Tony bucked against him, he let out a needy whine as he struggled not to give in to the heat burning through him. If Tony moved like that again, he probably wouldn't get a chance to pin him like Tony had wanted. He tried to speak, to say something about slowing down for a few seconds but when he looked into his eyes, all that tumbled out was, "Beautiful."

Steve had always thought that about Tony. Either from an artistic standpoint or romantically.

Panting softly, he nodded, his voice disappearing when Tony pulled off his shirt. His gaze did drift briefly to the scars, but there was only awe and desire in his expression before he looked up to smile at Tony.

"Beautiful." As he spoke he took Tony's hands, pulling him closer but not quite back on his lap. "Better than I ever imagined." For a moment his shyness got the better of him, something that actually helped since he was sure that he was going to come before he'd even gotten a chance to really touch Tony. "Do I have to wear all of the uniform?"

Date: 2015-05-18 02:27 am (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Wasn't that big of a deal)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
Pulling away just enough to meet Tony's gaze, he smiled softly, heart aching at how the elder had assumed that Steve wouldn't want to belong to him. He'd want the world to know that Steve was with him, but didn't expect the same in return. "Tony, I wouldn't ask you to be mine if I didn't want to be yours." Realizing how old fashioned that sounded, Steve blushed slightly. "It wouldn't be right if... we wouldn't really be together if I didn't."

Arching into that touch, he bit his lower lip, trying to focus on something other than how much he wanted Tony and how those hands were moving steadily higher. Reaching out, Steve gently traced one of the scars that marked Tony's chest, fingers barely brushing over his skin. They had to bother him. He had to think they bothered Steve. "I approve of all of you. Every part of you is gorgeous."

Taking a shaky breath as Tony dealt with the clasps, he was about to tease him about the pants being the problem not the shirt when Tony's hands slipped beneath the armor. He was barely touching him and it felt like he was about to go crazy.

Closing his eyes he tried to think of anything that would distract him from the image of Tony wearing part of his uniform. He wanted to see Tony like that so much that if he wasn't careful they wouldn't get a chance at that fantasy. At least not right away. "Tony..." When he finally looked at Tony, his eyes were so dark there was barely any trace of blue. "If you're not careful..." It was embarrassing to admit. He wasn't a teenager but he felt like one. "Don't want to ruin this."

Date: 2015-05-18 05:04 am (UTC)
like_a_gerbil: (Taller - Shirtless)
From: [personal profile] like_a_gerbil
Even after seeing Tony blush, the shyness caused Steve's chest to ache even as butterflies seemed be swooping around near his heart. "I didn't think it was either. Not after that vision."

Which wasn't something he was going to linger on when Tony as naked and almost on his lap. Skimming his other hand along Tony's side, he pressed his palm lightly over the elder's heart. "If I am, I'm not the only one."

Muscles jumping beneath Tony's fingers, he tried to focus on the question but the brush of lips against his neck the words turned to a needy moan. Dragging Tony closer, he pulled him onto his lap so he could feel how hard he was. "That - that answer your questions?"

He wasn't even sure how he managed to tease let alone keep from coming as soon as Tony was on top of him again. Heat shivered down his spine but having Tony close somehow grounded him as he helped with the shirt. Or maybe it'd be less embarrassing if he did end up acting like a teenager if he was actually touching Tony if his control slipped.

"What if I..." Shifting beneath the elder, he hissed softly at the friction before he finally managed to get out of the body armor. "I haven't... What if I... before you?"

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Anthony Edward "Tony" Stark

July 2015

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